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From: J
From1:
Date: 1/19/2007
Time: 3:13:47 PM
Remote Name: 69.137.17.106
So my brother stole some sort of camera stuff from our school and was caught. Now he's going to be expelled. (Most students in school know about this and keep asking me things, which is embarressing and annoying) My parents and him had to go to court etc, since our school was pressing charges. For the last month or so, my mum's been crying and saying she's a bad mother etc. She's not really depressed, just disappointed in my brother. But that's not the issue. I'm expected to be the 'good child' now, which is getting to be *a lot*. And it seems that they just don't really have time for me. I know all the stuff with my brother is taking up their time and its important, but I can't help but feel left out. I have ahorse, which I count my blessings for(!) but now hardly ever get to see him. It's always 'Ok, J, we'll go up after the midterms today.' (We have half days this week due to midterms which are finally over!) But then something comes up with either my brother, my aunt and uncle (who are staying with us from France b/c my uncle's mother (?) is dying), or my grandmother, who is 86, in a wheelchair after breaking something again... Anyway, my mum is either with her, my brother, or helping my aunt with something. And then it's 'We'll go as soon as I'm finished with this.' Then she sighs and I feel bad so I say we don't have to go today, and she starts the whole 'I promised, so we're going' brigade. After about a half hour, she falls asleep. I really don't want to come off as a brat, or a young kid who feels bad becuase their ice cream fell on the floor. And hey, another of the cake is added. I used to cut myself, it was just a good way to get out anger, anxiety, over excitement, etc. I stopped with the help of my friend, who was really supportive. But now I've started again, needing the rush. I can't tell my mum or dad b/c I'm supposed to be the 'good child' who helps out around the house and stuff. And now the figurative icing- since my brother is going to be expelled he is going to a private school in the distict. And my parents want me to go also. I want to stay at my own school, although if they just said 'You're going' I would only be mad a t them, not super P.O.ed. All my friends are at my school now, and I like most of the teachers, except for the choice few... (Who now that I will be a sophmore (yr 10) can never get! Hopefully.) And for the candels 1-15- Today is my birthday. My parents are off being interviewed by said highschool, my aunt doesn't know where her hairspray is and is calling for me to get off the computerb/c it will burn my brains out (*my* computer, in *my* room, sigh) my friends are out finding icing so that they can get me on a sugar high (A well liked and worn tradition of getting a big thing of icing and eating it straight on your birthday w/ said friends.) And my dog is by my side, keeping my feet warm. So, any advice? How do I tell my parental units that I feel left out w/o them making a huge thing about it/ saying that these are 'hard times,' how do I tell hem about my cutting, do I seem like a drama queen, cause I'm only in crew, any tips to ignore the kids at school and where the hell is my aunt's hairspray so I can get her to shut the f--- up? Thanks. J