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From: Unimportant
From1:
Date: 2/23/2007
Time: 11:20:50 PM
Remote Name: 64.12.116.198
I NEED HELP - but don't know where to turn. Off and on the past year I've thought about suicide, but never as seriously as I have the past few months. I'm soooooooooo extremely tired of fighting to make sense of things, fighting to keep my head above water and fighting to NOT commit suicide that I've become exhausted. I've been on anti-depressants for 20 years and am still currently on them. They are obviously no longer a help even with changes. You wonder why I am contemplating suicide, I'm sure. I have a chronic illness that causes pain and fatigue...but I don't look sick and nobody believes me (except my docs). I'm a single mom (divorced). I work 2 jobs which amounts to about 60 hours a week. My rent has become too much for me to handle and I need to move in 2 months. I don't know how I will physically handle this on my own. I do not have family support and have very few friends. I haven't dated in about 7 months, but, I feel like I will never meet anyone anyway. Every man I have been around (including my father) has hurt me, so I feel "why bother", it will never change. I've gained 70 pounds in less than a year because quite frankly, I don't care anymore. Of course, hygiene is also at the end of my list because, again, who cares anymore anyway? I've quit talking to people, quit divulging information and generally just keep my mouth shut. Why? They won't understand me or they won't agree with me, so why bother talking? I know deep down I need help. Quite honestly, I should probably be admitted to the hospital to be stabilized. I had to do that before - about 19 years ago. Can you please help me?